They may also fear that the new woman in the widower's life has ulterior motives: "She wants to make our grandchild (or the widower) forget our daughter!

" or "She's USING him as a paycheck or to support her own child(ren)!

The following is an example of “fits and starts” from a recent letter I received:“I have been dating a widower for the past two years. He says they were very happy and everyone I meet tells me how wonderful she was.

Initially, he dove right into the relationship and we seemed to be the perfect match.

After six months of dating, he withdrew and said he had to work out in his mind issues that were about him and his wife, and he wasn't ready to discuss them with me.

He is very close to his late wife’s family and they celebrate her birthday and death every year.

These brave souls seem to share one issue in common: struggling to overcome the “fits and starts” initiated by their previously widowed boyfriends who emotionally withdraw from the relationship when grief is triggered.

Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife Of A Widower” primarily addresses women married to widowers, I do occasionally receive e-mails from women who are in serious committed premarital relationships with widowers as well.At this time, he feels guilty for a variety of reasons, such as the simple acts of:1.) Living ("Why do *I* deserve to live when “she” (late spouse/girlfriend/fiancée) didn't? ")2.) Being happy ("How can I be - or how do I deserve to be - happy when "she" is gone? ")3.) Moving on ("Shouldn't life just STOP because “she” is gone?Wouldn't it be more of a memorial in her honor for me to remain celibate/single/miserable? ")Widowers such as this typically:1.) Have no one to talk to about their confusing feelings, so they stuff these emotions deep inside until an event (such as another funeral he attends, or the death/wedding/birthday anniversary of his late significant other) brings these feelings to the surface).2.) Have no idea how or where to find someone to validate their feelings and discover that they are a perfectly normal (but temporary) part of the emotional grief cycle.3.) Have family/friends holding them back and prodding their guilt.I did have a fear of bringing “her” up initially, but tried to do it once in awhile.I have not visited her grave with him but really do want to. ” Typically, a widower who has re-entered the dating scene does so with much trepidation.In-laws such as these may also be motivated by their concern for their grandchild(ren).