In 1988 she earned a spot as a swimmer at the Olympic Trials. She lives in Texas with her sons Connor and Brannon.For more information about Jennifer and her memoir, I lost my wife two months ago and am trying to sort through my feelings.And finally I realized that I could be with a man and, furthermore, consider having a future with someone other than Mark.

The letter said that when you lose a spouse it is normal to want to date, usually sooner rather than later.

I felt guilty even thinking about the possibility and could not fathom the idea of dating so soon after my husband had died. I was worried you would never want to date again after Mark.

Now she has died and had a beautiful death (seems weird to say) she was filled with peace, love and God her last days and almost glowed like she was when she was pregnant with our sons. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND A PERSON THAT I COULD LOVE LIKE I NEVER FELT BEFORE. I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM BEFORE WE EVEN KISSED OR HELD HANDS. WELL IM HAPPY TO SAY IT; S BEEN ALMOST 7YEARS AND WERE STILL TOGATHER.

Flash forward a month or so and now I've met this wonderful women, never intended for this to happen and I feel happier than I have been in quite some time, having these open, honest conversations, but my fear is that I haven't grieved enough.

I buried this idea along with the letter knowing I would re-enter the dating scene in my own time. I was by myself at the grocery store and I looked up to find a man watching me with an interested look in his eye. I called him and asked him what he thought about me dating. I’m so happy you are considering it.” Her response wasn’t what I expected, but from both her and my father-in-law’s answers I felt better about moving forward.

To my surprise, I found myself feeling attracted to him. This innocent exchange of glances made me uncomfortable, but only in a sense that I realized I was no longer a married woman but an available single one. First, I needed to be willing to discuss dating with people who I was close to. He said genuinely that he wanted me to be happy and that he knew Mark would want me to be happy too. I wasn’t sure what she would say and was shocked when she didn’t say anything. Second, I needed to know that I wouldn’t be dating to just fill a void. However I had met Mark online and thought it was a good place to start. It felt a little uncomfortable to be searching for a ‘new’ man after being with one man for ten years.

I was thirty-nine years old when my husband died unexpectedly in his sleep. He was my love, my rock, a crucial part of my life and our children’s future, and in an instant, he was gone.

A few weeks after his death, I received a letter from my insurance company.

I grieved plenty as my wife cycled through cancers ups and downs and I grieved plenty as our marriage cycled up and down. EVENTUALLY A NEIGHBOR INTRODUCED ME TO A GOOD FREIND OF HERS.

I now feel guilty that I feel happiness so soon after her death. It didn't take a divorce to be single so I have alot of love still in my heart and I know that God did not mean for us to walk the face of the earth alone.

He didn’t hesitate to give me his blessing to date whoever and whenever I wanted. I knew that the void that Mark’s death left in my life would never be filled the same way that Mark filled it. As I scanned through the results not many of the profiles interested me.