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But sometimes “regular” ones do too, while “short” pants hover awkwardly at my ankles. To figure out how many pairs of jeans I would have to try on, I gave them all the variables to combine: Skinny, Boot Cut, Diva, Flirt, Sweetheart, Rockstar, Tall, Regular, Short, dark wash, light wash, stupid stylish fake-weathered holes and no stupid stylish fake-weathered holes, each type in sizes from 00 to 18.

Their best mathematicians are still running the numbers but the possible combinations are estimated to be in the hundreds of millions, and Syria will turn into a commune of flower girls before one woman could try them all on.

I offer these images as vital clues to any woman who might venture to Old Navy for jeans.

I set out to find pants to fit my body, but I had no idea how many bodies I actually have.Dont like the niteclub scene so this is perfect for me!!!! I tend to stick with what works in the derriere department. I go solo because other people’s opinions only lengthen the time I must spend in the hellish labyrinth of women’s retail.But the worst blow of all was the picture that showed three ladies modeling the Diva, Flirt and Sweetheart styles under the “every body” tagline.I looked at it for a long time, trying to discern any differences in the three sets of denim-clad legs and therefore any clues as to which formula I should try.Each pair of jeans was also designated “tall,” “regular” or “short,” piled in no particular order. Could the Rockstar truly fit me, a chubby journalist with chronic back pain and a fondness for Philip Glass?